Obstacles on the way to a healthy, whole human experience.
The insufferable act of being human. It is hard; messy and complicated. So many messages about how to make it easy, how to train your brain to “let it go”, focus only on the positive to be happy. It can be confusing and leave most of us feeling even heavier – because I can’t quite train my brain to get over the emotions and the messy, complicated part of my being, I am failing. Let me share with you my perspective, acknowledging I am one of many. I will list for you the obstacles on the way to a healthy, whole human experience:
End of list.
Limiting beliefs are born from wounds; physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. Wounds we may or may not be conscious of that were most likely inflicted early in our life. Limiting beliefs can stop us in our tracks. Limiting beliefs can leave us feeling stuck. Limiting beliefs can make us feel crazy and out of control. Because limiting beliefs are running from our subconscious, we may not even be aware they exist. Limiting beliefs never quite line up with our rational minds because they were imprinted as an emotional reaction before our brains were fully developed.
Let me address a limiting belief that most of us carry around belonging and survival. At the core we are wired to be in connection, to belong with others. As babies and as children, we have to rely on our caregivers to meet our needs in order to live – to survive. Survival can mean we need to ensure we are not left – not abandoned, not cast out. For some of us we may learn early on that some parts of us are unacceptable and some parts of us are not tolerated by our caregivers or people close to us. Some parts of us or needs that we have, we were shamed for having. Beliefs such as I am too much or too needy fuel the fear of being intolerable to those that we need the most and then they will leave us (emotionally or physically). We adopt the beliefs that I am only loveable, or I only belong IF I am ______________ or I only belong IF I am not _____________. These conditions imprint in us, they infiltrate our sense of worth. How many aspects of us are lost in our need to belong? How desperate are we at the very core and beginning of our existence in this life to avoid this pain of rejection, abandonment and the feeling of being cast out? Perhaps some of us still carry the belief that we were cast out by God as we incarnated into this life. How many of us are willing to “belong” with others at any cost to ourselves – to our essence – casting out parts of us to fit in – doing to our Spirit the very thing we fear others will do to us? Take that in for a moment – the enormity of the realization of how much damage and suffering is self-inflicted.
I want to acknowledge the wounds we may have sustained as children: in the name of survival (which means we must belong) it may have been imperative to cast out parts of ourselves. Yet now as adults we are still hiding the parts of us that need, or that feel too much in order to belong, to ensure we are not left and yet we find ourselves so lonely and sad and never feeling like we belong – just trying to fit in. We may be afraid or disgusted with how needy we feel or we feel drained and resentful because we are so cut off from what we need, and yet the fear of being left keeps us stuck operating from this very young and wounded part of ourselves. Thus, the pattern persists and we are stuck repeating the same relationships over and over.
The importance of shining a light on limiting beliefs is that it lights the path for healing. First, we recognize that we are no longer children – the feelings of emptiness, of unworthiness, that persistent and painful feeling that something is missing - is real and yet it is no longer in our best interest to keep these parts of us hidden. To be fully ALIVE in this life, it takes all of us, all parts of us. We must acknowledge the fear of this, hold that fear in love, and call those parts of us forward anyway. What is required from all of us is the courage and willingness to drop into our own depths and excavate these limiting beliefs, love them and reform them so we can live a life worth living – a full life. What is necessary is our own personal Inner Revolution!
(Stay tuned: next we will dive into our Inner Revolution)