The Importance of Release
By: Stacie Beam-Bruce
Emotions accumulate in our physical body when we don’t let them run through us. We are wired to let emotions run through, yet we are taught to suppress them. We aren’t taught how to regulate them and release them in a healthy way – the BIG and often uncomfortable emotions just need to go away, to be hidden and so they get stuck. They build and build until we run out of internal space. When we are full, when we don’t have any internal space left, we can feel exhausted, irritable, on edge, reactive – hanging by a thread emotionally. We may feel the toll physically – tight jaw, headaches, upset stomach, trouble sleeping, an increased sense of hypervigilance, and overall anxiety.
As children we learn at a very young age which feelings and expressions of those feelings are accepted and which are not tolerated. We learn to cope, to compensate – we learn to suppress what isn’t acceptable in order to get approval and approval becomes entangled with love and safety. We develop beliefs about feelings – beliefs about who we are or who we need to be – these beliefs are so deeply imprinted in us. We may be afraid of our anger, afraid of what it means about us to be angry. We may feel weak if we are sad. These beliefs inform the decisions we make about how we behave. I may decide I cannot ever be angry, or that I need to always show people I am happy – and this is what makes me a good person, a person that is loveable.
The problem is that we are all human. All emotions are part of the human experience. We can’t get through this life without feeling angry or sad – and at the core feelings are simply just messengers, short term visitors. We do ourselves a disservice by holding them, resisting them, suppressing them. If we are so accustomed to holding our emotions so tightly, we may carry a fear that if we start to let them out, they may take us over.
So how do we begin to move these stuck, unprocessed emotions out of us and feel safe doing so?
By finding ways to start to release, to clear some space inside before we truly lose control and breakdown. And this is the key – if we do not want to feel out of control and afraid our emotions will swallow us up, we need to find ways to safely release them, in big or small ways. Release in a flourish or slow and steady practices.
There are 2 things to know when we are dealing with releasing emotions:
1. All emotions are ok, there are no good or bad (uncomfortable maybe but not bad).
2. Healthy release means do no harm. We don’t hurt anyone (ourselves included) or anything.
So, what does a healthy release look like? There is no wrong answer as long as it does no harm: crying, rocking, hitting your bed, screaming into a pillow, shaking your body, dancing, using your breath. I have done it all and seen it all.
A practice of release requires some semblance of safety and control as releasing emotions can feel foreign and very vulnerable. We want to be able to build a safe container to help us with this process. The components of a safe container include structure and boundaries that help us feel safe:
1. Find a physical space where you know you can’t be heard or interrupted, this is a foundational part of this safe container.
2. The other component is creating boundaries around time. Having a starting point AND an ending point helps to build safety.
3. Another thing to consider is incorporating something that helps us drop in, to connect to those emotions looking for a release – this could be a guided meditation to connect with emotions or a good music playlist that invokes those emotions.
4. Lastly, we want to have a plan for when we are done, to help us completely come back and feel more in control with some internal space. This can include a warm cup of tea or cool water, slow intentional breathing, a walk in nature, a little journaling, a bath – tasks or activities that help you slowly and gently come back into you day – feeling a little more (or a lot more) grounded, less reactive and with more clarity.
This process is a reset! And a reset is what we need now more than ever!